I’ve always known that I wanted to be a mother; that my main purpose in life was to nurture, love, and guide my future offspring. While I was pregnant I couldn’t wait for my first Mother’s Day. I had been imagining all the wonderful things you see in TV commercials. Visions of flowers, breakfast in bed, and leisurely soaks in a tub full of bubbles danced in my head. But when I was woken up at 5:45 this past Sunday morning I was jolted into the reality that my child is only a month old, and this year, those dreams would be just a figment of my desire.
My first Mother’s Day went a bit like this: WAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! ALL. DAY. LONG.
He was quiet for about 20 minutes before we sat down to eat our nice lunch at my mom’s house. But, as never fails, as soon as we sat down to eat he started his engine once again and demanded he be fed first. Which is fine. I’ve come to terms that for right now I’ll be eating my meals at room temperature, and that I have a “high needs baby” who is only happy when he’s being held.
Honestly, I was so frustrated on Sunday that I spent the majority of the latter part of the day crying right along with him. But through all the tears I learned something. If we’re going to get through this phase I need to let go. I can’t control everything anymore (not that really ever could before but back then I could trick myself into thinking I could)…at this point I’ve just got to go with the flow. Or else I’m going to drive myself insane!
This new mom thing is, by far, the hardest most unbelievably frustrating experience of my life! I am constantly questioning myself and wether I’m doing things “the right way”, but in between all of the moments of insecurity are the best moments of my life. Like when he stops crying just because I picked him up. And now he’s smiling…those little smiles make my heart swell to about bursting.
I never thought I could love something so much! So even though my first Mother’s Day wasn’t exactly what I’d hoped it would be it turns out it was exactly what I needed it to be.