Nose, Chin, or Forehead

A childbirth prep class is a pre-requisite for every first time expectant couple.  Usually these classes are taken over a period of several weeks and last about an hour per class.  However, if you’re like me you procrastinate signing up for the class, wait till you’re 32 weeks along, and end up having to cram it all into one six hour long class.  Goodbye, Saturday.

Needless to say, when we woke up yesterday, neither Hubby nor I was particularly excited about the prospect of sitting in a room for six hours learning how to breathe and watching seriously graphic childbirth videos.  So when we got to the hospital we were pleasantly surprised to find that we were not in for half a days worth of Lamaze and that our instructor was, well, pretty hilarious.  You know your favorite Aunt?  The one who tells it like it is while sipping her glass of chardonnay and wearing a crazy hat or patterned pants you’d never have the nerve to wear in public but secretly covet?  That was our instructor.  She’s an OB/ Mother and Baby nurse at St. Francis and I really hope she’s assigned to us when it’s time for Little Man to make his debut.

We did watch a few videos, though thankfully none of them were too graphic, and there were about 20 minutes spent on learning how to breathe through contractions.  We certainly did learn a lot about the stages of labor, what to expect when we get to the hospital, etc…But mostly we spent the day laughing while Miss Lonnie did her best to make sure we all weren’t scared shitless of this impending thing called labor.  Cause let’s face it, if you’ve never done it before it’s pretty much the scariest thing a woman will ever face.

Some highlights of the day:  Teaching our partners how to judge the strength of contractions by comparing the hardness of our tummies to our nose (not so bad), chin (ouch), and forehead (give me drugs NOW!!).  Everyone, men included, standing up and practicing Kegels.  Miss Lonnie letting us know that she had been doing Kegels the whole time she’d been talking to us.  And, during the tour of the Labor and Delivery Unit, telling us about a husband who decided to see if the windows really weren’t see-through and consequently being taken into security while his wife was moments away from giving birth.  Hubby’s favorite part of the day…finding out he could order pizza while I’m in labor and not able to eat a thing.

More than anything I feel so much more comfortable about the inevitability of labor and delivery.  When you’re pregnant, and beforehand, you hear horror stories about 36 hour deliveries or all of the terrible worst case scenarios that can happen.  It’s enough to give any woman a complex!  Why do we try to scare each other like that?  Yesterday gave me the confidence to be able to get through what’s coming in the next five weeks or so, and most of all to be excited about it and not terrified!  Thanks Miss Lonnie!!

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